How Can Entrepreneurs Balance Family, Business, and Relationships Without Losing Their Minds?

This week on "Chat with Nat: Conversations That Count," Nat welcomes Bobby and Shelly Guehne, founders of The Limitless Vitality Group. Together, they discuss how working professionals can build thriving businesses and strong relationships without sacrificing family, faith, or joy. Bobby and Shelly share practical insights on integrating work and life, intentional communication, and nurturing partnerships. Listeners will find inspiration and actionable advice for balancing entrepreneurship and personal fulfillment.

What you will hear:

• Balancing entrepreneurship with family life and relationships.
• The importance of integrating work and personal life rather than compartmentalizing them.
• Strategies for effective communication between partners in business and personal contexts.
• The significance of intentionality in nurturing relationships and partnerships.
• The concept of expanding timelines for success in both business and family.
• The role of flexibility and adaptability in managing life’s challenges.
• Building a strong foundation in relationships as essential for overall success.
• The psychological aspects of communication and the impact of emotional intelligence.
• The value of community support and shared experiences among entrepreneurs.
• Encouragement to prioritize well-being, meaningful connections, and financial stability.

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Transcript

0:03

Hey friends, welcome back to Chat with Matt. Conversations that count where we talk real life, real money and real strategies to build wealth without worry. Today's episode is brought to you by Casa de Confidence Productions. Julie and Dan Collins are a powerhouse team, making podcasters like myself look and sound better every single day. If you've ever been curious about podcasting, I encourage you to visit their website, KSAT confidence website to learn more and connect with them. Today we are talking about entrepreneurship, partnership, pressure, connection, and what it takes to build a family and a business without losing your faith, your joy, or your marriage in the process. But before I introduce our guests and we jump into the conversation, I want to share my money. Tip of the week your personal life and your business life. Share the same biggest financial asset. Energy money flows where your energy goes. If your home life is chaotic, your business will bleed. If your business is draining you. Your relationships will pay the price. Protecting your time, setting boundaries and prioritizing rest isn't a luxury, it's a financial strategy. A regulated nervous system makes better decisions, and if you want your income to go up, you have to protect the environments that support you. Today's guests know firsthand and live it at a very high level. So I want to introduce you guys to Bobbi and Shelly. Jeannie. They are the entrepreneurs and founders of the Limitless Vitality Group. They're an agency focused on strengthening and elevating relationships for working professionals. They are the parents of four children, owners of four businesses, and advocates for balanced, intentional partnership. So, Bobby and Shelly, welcome to the show. I am so excited for this conversation today. Yes, thanks for having us. Yes, we appreciate it. It's my pleasure. So we met. Gosh. What's it been about 2 or 3 months ago now? Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah. We happen to be very blessed to be an incredible mastermind business entrepreneur. All the good things group, um, called the Moxy tribe. So I always love when I have guests from the tribe here because we get to do a little shout out to the Moxy team, but it's an incredible environment where we really pour into one another. It's about coming together and collaborating, and each of us putting our strengths on the table so we can draw from one another and grow in the areas that we might have more weaknesses. And so, like I said, we met in this group and Bobby and Shelly, I know you guys are kind of co-leaders of this group, but you always have so much great advice for business owners for couples, so I. I have a significant other in my life. We work in similar industries, but we don't work together on the things that we do. But I still think there's so much I glean from the wisdom you guys share in how to nurture our relationships since we're so heavily focused on our work. So I want to start by asking, how do you manage it all for businesses, for kids and a marriage? What does that look like? I know for me that is a big question we get quite often because I, I think the, um, the initial response from people is that they want to know how to manage it all. And just in just saying, managing it all, we're kind of compartmentalizing it like a business, right? How do we take these things and where do we put them so that they best work in the places that I'm going to put them? The truth is, there really is no management metric. You have to be able to integrate them. So by managing them, you're compartmentalizing them, which means you're separating them. How do I block out time for this? How do I block out time for that? And while we do talk to people about how you have to be intentional about making that time, blocking it out or putting it in its own category isn't necessary. But you have to be able to do is figure out how to integrate the two to where they coexist side by side. So what that means is, for instance, we do date nights and we're intentional about date nights, not just because we're like, if we do the thing, then we can get what we want. Like we have to spend time together so we stay connected, know we enjoy spending time together. And because we enjoy spending time together, we want to make sure our connections stay strong. Date nights don't always mean we're not talking about business. Sometimes we're talking about business. Now we both enjoy talking about business, and we limit the degree of business we might talk about. And then we talk about personal stuff as well. But people think, no, we're on a date. We're not going to talk about business. We spend all day together. We I understand, but it's a part of our life. We've integrated those two things together, and so I can't completely detach those things, but do the same thing with our kids. We're present with our kids. That doesn't mean they don't hear us talking about business. They don't hear another conversation we're on. It doesn't mean they don't ask questions. And when they ask questions, I don't say, oh, that's big kid stuff. You know, we're not going to talk to you about that. I answer their questions to the best of my knowledge, to the way that I know that they're going to be able to understand it. Yeah. And it makes them start turning their gears to and start. They sometimes they ask some pretty intriguing questions. Yeah. Very simple thing. And I mean, I think it's one of those things too, where if Bobby is out or he's somewhere like in the city or driving or working on it in another company or whatever, we go and meet him, or we come and see him to go out to dinner with him or go to a lunch with him or something like that. So we all are able to be together as much as possible. So, so managing it, for lack of better phrasing, would really just be, um, it's a it's a better way to integrate the two together so that you can have them coexist instead of trying to compartmentalize them. And everybody wants to turn a switch on and off. And as entrepreneurs, we understand that you can't turn the switch on and off. We're on all the time. I mean, you know, we talk about, you know, the 4:00 am staring at the ceiling because you got an idea kind of thing that happens all the time. And do you think that when I'm sitting here across from her at the table and we're having dinner, that I can just shut off everything that happened that week or everything that's coming up or what I'm dealing with that day, just so I can talk about how our kids, our personal life, like not entirely. Yes, to some degree, but not entirely. I can't shut that off. It's part of our life. It's what we both signed up for. Yeah. Um, and and that's why we also talk to people that are in business together. Like, literally in business together like we are. Or sometimes it's just one of the spouses or in business together or one of the significant others. And the other one is is just the partner. And so they want to know, how do I support them when I'm not in their business with them. And there's a lot of ways that they can support them more than they really realize. And they can add a lot of really good insight and support on sometimes an emotional level. Sometimes they can't. Can support them on a business level. Sometimes they. Like I said, our kids give us ideas sometimes or give us, um, sometimes they give us direction. Not intentionally. They'll say something and I'll look it up like, did you get what they just said? And she's like, it was so simple. And I'm like, never even thought about it. So simply that sometimes that's the best answer. We complicate things a lot. Yeah. Okay. So I have never heard it said like that. You literally it's like it's like I just changed out the old school dim light bulb in my brain and put in an LED, which almost blinds me when I flip the switch. That's what it feels like. I'm like, Holy crap, they've got it figured out. Because whether you're in a traditional job or an entrepreneur like we are. I feel like I've always heard now, now I have come to the conclusion balance doesn't exist. It's harmony, right? It's putting the attention in the area of your life that needs it most right now. And it doesn't mean ignoring the others, but they're thriving a little bit better. Right. And so you're always trying to harmonize because true balance does not exist. Life is too unknown and unpredictable for us to ever truly have balance. But the compartmentalizing, that's what we're taught to do. You go to work and you work, and then you come home and on the drive home, you're supposed to leave work behind and walk through the door. Being the epic mom, wife, whatever it is, you know, to the world dog parent and you and and work is closed off for the day, and then you just show up here, and then in the morning, you're supposed to get up and you get ready and you switch yourself into work mode and you walk out the door. But what you guys are talking about and, and let me say real quick, as an entrepreneur too, you hit on it. Exactly. It's time blocking for this and that and the other. But as I'm hearing you say that, I think, Holy crap, I've been time blocking to the exclusion of all else. Like this. Two hours is for this and this only. Well guess what? My elderly parents live with me. I'm a caretaker for them. That two hours has to be able to get interrupted if they need me for something. And so. And then what? What do you do with what you had planned then and now that. What do you do? You put that because you have everything else blocked out. Yeah, but if you only had it blocked for that, then you feel that overwhelm of it's not going to get done, it's gonna or you push everything else back. And so now you've created an environment of stress instead of just giving your permission to look. This is where I'm going to focus for these two hours to try and knock this out. But life is going on around me, so I'm going to give my permission to show up wherever I'm needed as I'm working all that on that. So not allowing a distraction or a reason to do something besides what you have to do, but giving yourself some permission to show up in your life where you need to. Sometimes it's in work, sometimes it's personally and sometimes a lot of the time really. It's both. And then the idea too. Like you said, sitting across the dinner table, you have an idea? Are you just going to keep your mouth shut and not share it and then forget about it or not be able to know you're going to throw it out there, and you and Shelly may bounce back and forth on a couple of things, and then you're going to get back to that conversation and kind of develop from that in the in the future. So I just love that idea of not being so strict that we exclude. You have to be a little with what's going on in your day and your time, and everything is to me, everything boils down to moments. These are moments in time you don't get them back, but you want to put your energy in the right. You want to try to focus as much as you can, but to like being with your parents, us being with our children. I mean, we're only going to get so many of those moments. So when we are with them, you do try to really focus and give them that time and attention, but you can't block out everything else that's going on because life is still going to exist. House payments are still going to need to be made. I mean, we still have to work also. Well in the intentionality. I think that we misconstrue what what we mean by that. So like if you block out a period of time to get something accomplished, your intention is in that amount of time, I'm going to accomplish this thing, right? Yeah. When in reality, your intention is that you're going to set aside some time to work on something. If you get interrupt, like, I'll give you an instance. I have, um, my uncle is mentally challenged, and he's a dependent of mine. I take care of him. He's an assisted care living center about ten minutes from us. And I talked to him every single day. I see him sometimes a couple times a week. Um, I'll go visit him, take him things, talk to him. But I text him and talk to him every day. Well, I have I plan Sundays, I plan my week out to the to far out as I possibly can to get me a good jumpstart. Right. Right. stay in. 558, 6 a.m. last week. My phone rings. He has fallen and hit his head, and the ambulance is on their way to pick him up and he's gone to the hospital. My whole Monday was smoked. I was at the hospital with him till 1:00 in the afternoon, getting Cat scans, making sure he was okay because he's very unstable. When he falls, he doesn't put his hands out. So his full force, he hits the ground, he hit his head off the off the tile floor. And, um, he's got down syndrome. And so, um, that rolled into Tuesday. Rolled into Wednesday and it it's it burnt my whole week because my intention was the plans I had set out through Wednesday started first thing Monday and they worked, but I was already a whole day behind. So everything. So what we can do then is you gather up what you wanted to do and you keep your intentions the same. I still have this objective. My time frame has moved. But if your people faith, you understand everything happens for some sort of purpose. And people say it happens for a reason. Sure, but it happens for a purpose. It's not up for us to question it. We just have to move with it. Right? And so I took care of him. He was first and foremost the most important thing because they're like, you can send her to the hospital and just come pick them up when we call you. I'm like, oh, absolutely not. Yeah, I will be there and I will be with him until until it's done. And then I will take him back to his place, you know. And he didn't need stitches. He didn't need anything. He had it just a little contusion on his head, but they needed to check to make sure he didn't have a skull fracture or something like that, you know? Yeah. And, um, anyway, what I'm saying is, I think we put our focus on the perfection. And if I, if I give myself this time, what do they call it? Parkinson's law. You give yourself a certain amount of time, and you will take that amount of time to accomplish anything. So if you want to accomplish more short the time frame, some things when life is laughing, we don't always have that option. When you have living grandparents that you're like, I'm here doing this and then they need you. That's life. You know, we have four kids. We decided to have a family that mean that meant that as we were growing our family because we had one child when we started business. When we decided we wanted to grow a family, we understood that our time horizon for success, whatever that may look like, was going to be stretched out, because the one thing that I told her was, unlike the way I was raised, I was going to make sure that I was present for my children and that I was a good father and a good husband to her along the way, which meant I was not going to sacrifice one for the other, which meant I had to understand how to integrate the two of them. Because if I want to bolt these things, it meant that the time frame was going to expand, but that I could both do. I could do both of them. I could have all of it. I could have a beautiful relationship with her. I could have my health. I could have a great relationship with my kids. I can have all that. I just can't put this restraint of time on me that, oh my God, I'm 40 years old. And I started when I was 27 and I'm not where I want to be. I might be where I want to be by the time I'm 65. That's okay. You just keep moving in that direction and you can have it all. You just gotta expand that horizon a little bit? Yeah. I think that's such a good point, though, is because we come up with these ideas. This is what I'm going to do today. This is what I'm going to create with my life. This is what my business is going to look like. And we stand on that and we leave no room for what matters most, unfortunately. And I think, I think that over the last couple generations, it's been more and more of a move to that. You know, I'm 53. My generation is the first one where women were stepping into the workforce. Two income households were becoming the norm, right. Now, I knew when I was expecting with my son, I was finishing. I'd gone back to school, I hated school, I was mad at my parents because when I graduated high school, they're like, you either have to pay rent or you have to go to college. And so I went to college, but I didn't want to be there. I wanted a gap year there, like, no. And so my first two years of college were not my best achievement of, of my life. And so then I took a few year break and I went back in my mid 20s. And so I'm expecting my son finishing my last course for my bachelor's degree. And I had a blip in time that I thought, oh, do I want to be a stay at home mom? And then I experienced postpartum and was getting back to myself again. And I, for me, realized I was wired to be in the workforce. I knew that I would show up better if I had that thing that continually challenged me. But I have the utmost respect. And I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah. Stay at home moms are very much the norm there. I have so much respect for my friends and family members who have done that, because I think it's ten times harder than anything I ever did in corporate America. They're juggling at all. I had one job with certain parameters and certain deadlines, right? But it's different for everyone. But whatever that looks like, you go out in the world to have a job or to build a business, and it's supposed to be this or that, but what you just said is you can have both. Be realistic with what that looks like. Expand the timeline, and then you don't catch yourself in a position where you're like, your kids are teenagers, or they you're now an empty nester and you're like, man, I missed out on so much, right? The guilt or, um, the like, give yourself permission to do both and then figure out what doing both looks like, and then you set your timeframes around that. So I love the way you put that, because I think the world tells us you have one or the other. And when you're at work, you are this. And when you're at home you are this. But you can be both. That's what we're constantly combating. Is the world telling everybody that this is how it has to be, because traditionally this is how it has. This is how it's been. But what we what we realize is, if you look at generations before us or you look at generations, even two before us, they're like, oh, you know, Mama and Papa, they were together for 58 years, 68 years, 78 years. I'm like, I understand that, but how good of a relationship did they have? Or were they just from a generation that you got married and you stayed together? Yeah. Just because you were together that long doesn't mean that it was a great relationship. Ask their kids, then ask their grandkids. Like, you know, some of them. Yes, some of them were, but some a lot of them know they just were there. They were there because that's what society told them. You get married, you make this obligation. You stick to it. Yeah. We're saying not only can you have this, you can make it better every single day. You can have a family. And then if the people that we deal with tend to are entrepreneurs, you can also have a business and your business can thrive. If your relationships in your life are thriving, your relationships with your spouse, your relationships with yourself, your relationships with money, your relationships with all aspects of your life. They're all relationships. They're all connections. They're all the way that you view them, that your perspective. They're what you were taught that your echoes of influence in your life, what society told you, what your family told you. Our families don't understand what we did. We were the first ones in our family to take the path that we took. Yeah. So for years, the only two people, we had to look at each other and talk to, we both would look at each other and be like, we're we're on the right path, like we're doing the right thing, right? And we could only validate each other because nobody else was out there to validate us. It wasn't until we started finding the proper circles of influence that we were actually being spoke to by other people who had also taken the same path we did. But for years and years and years, it was me and her. It was me saying, should I quit? Should I go back to working for somebody else? And her saying, no, like I, I think I see you making progress and then, you know, she might come to us and be like, what are we going to do? And I'm like, I will figure it out. I always figure I'll figure it out. It's what I do. I figure it out well into. I think when Bobby started with the trucking company and stuff like that, he was only 26. So I'm like, we still have time if you need to go back later and work for somebody else, there is still time to do that. But right now, beings that we were a little bit younger, it was easier to kind of take that risk because it was just the two of us. Yeah, yeah. And I love that. I love that point, Shelly, because so many people think when the kids are grown and gone, then I chase that passion project or I'll create that dream I've had for 20 years. And it's not that people don't do that very successfully, right? I mean, for me, I, I think there was always an entrepreneur side to me. I tried a couple things in my early 20s. I went through my first divorce at 25 years old. And, um, that was kind of the I well, as my my first marriage was ending, I realized, I gotta, I gotta get to work on what I want and who I want to be in the contribution I need to make in the world. And so I started back to school as I was leading up to my divorce. And then, um, you know, crazy enough. Got remarried within a year. I don't recommend one out of ten. One out of ten. Uh, but I have my son and his dad and I have a great relationship. We just weren't great partners. Um, but it was a crazy time in my life. Right? And I think, gosh, to have stepped in, to continue chasing that. What is my thing? You know, and I think, like you said, like things happen for a reason. I think things happen for me. Exactly. How do they needed to for me to be the person I needed to be? So when my thing came along in my mid-forties, I jumped. I didn't question, I was ready for it. And I also think, like, I look, man, if I'd had started that in my 20s, I ended up divorced again in a single mom. And I don't know that I could have sustained a business. And instead it came for me. At the time, my son was a senior in high school. He was about to go in the military and all of those things. And so I look at it as like things happened, how they needed, how they needed to form me. And I don't try to define it. Was this reason or that reason. But I can look back. I used to say, man, if I could go back to 25 knowing what I do now, I said that for years and years and now I think, heck no, I would not go back. I needed every single struggle. Whether somebody else put it on me, I put it on. I needed every bit of that to be who I am today. And so there's it's this weird mix of you want to define things, but then somehow they make sense in a weird way. But for you, before the kids and all of that, starting in your mid 20s, I think it's allowed you to get your feet underneath you and then have the first kiddo and then expand from there, even while your family was expanding, instead of just putting it off and maybe never accomplishing some of those things. So it is different for everybody. I guess is the point I'm getting to. But if you have that opportunity, don't just walk away from it. Um, step into it whenever it does show up for you. And if that's your thing, you know, this is the thing I want to do. Don't put it off. And if you have a partner, find a way to include them. Which leads to kind of the second question. In the next place I want to go in the conversation is I'm sitting here thinking about, you know, we talked a little about like, there's work and there's life and there's no mix. And what you guys do is the exact opposite. You integrate them both together. And I think one of the other things that has become rampant in my generation. And let's see, I'm Gen X. So what's next Gen Y or is it Gen Y. Is there a Gen Y? Yeah okay. I always get them confused. So People pouring themselves so much into their careers. And now with both parents in a household, in the workplace, but keeping it separate from each other because that's what you do, has opened the doors to another level of relationship problems. Because we don't talk about our work, whether we're entrepreneurs or we work for somebody else, we don't talk about our work with our partner, we talk about it with the people we work with. And then we come home and we got to put on a different pair of shoes or our different hat, whatever you want to call it, and be this person. So what happens is it opens the doors to relationships being built in areas outside our home, outside our families, instead of strengthening the relationship inside our home and within our family and doing that together. So you create this separation. And I think that, I mean, you you see it all the time. I spent 20 years in corporate America. I saw all the times relationships develop in the workplace because that's who they were leaning on. To accomplish the work, go through the stressful projects, whatever was happening in the business. Right. And instead of even though you work for somebody else and your spouse is not involved in that, going home and and sharing that with them, leaning on them. And that's what you guys specialize in. So whether it's somebody that works for somebody else, works together with their partner, or even in my situation like you were talking about, Bobby, your spouse may not be in the business, but there's still a way to bring them in. Have them be your support, your soft place to land when you need it, but also the kick in the butt when you need it. And I know you've talked several times in some of our calls about how Shelly's been that for you through the years as you were building the businesses. So I want to ask the next question specifically is, in your opinion, what's the number one issue couples in business face that caused the relationship to implode? I would say, in my opinion, would be lack of communication. There isn't any thought. Just about that goes through my head that he doesn't hear that. I don't say that we don't talk about. It's the lack of communication, lack of and the lack of proper communication. Mhm. There's a there's a big difference between the two. Um, because I don't want to go down a massive rabbit hole here. But um communication is huge. And, and I think too like when you're talking about the workforce aspect of that, I think sometimes people have chemistry with other people. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Um, but when you are in a strong relationship, that chemistry that you might feel with somebody else isn't going to creep in when it's strong at home. Yeah. So I think when you're leaning on those people at work and stuff like that, that's fine in the workforce to be working on projects and stuff like that. But you're not going to let those other feelings or anything creep in when you're in love with the person you have at home. Yeah. So communicating all the time about what's going on, because I do help a lot in the clinic and that kind of thing. So we do have a lot of different, um, different things going on all the time. But because we are doing this together, I am discussing the things with him. He's discussing it back with me. So we are able to talk about that, um, all the time. Different issues, different problems that are going on because we want that strong foundation. And so when we are building this together at home, you don't let those little cracks develop. So the the part of the whole process is the intentionality of the process, okay. And the intentionality of the process, like is she's speaking about as far as, like the workforce and being at work. You do have chemistry with people. It's it's a synchrony, like you're synced up with people because you spend so much time together. Okay. You're having coffee talk, you're having conversations about your personal life. You are working hand in hand for multiple hours. And if you have personalities that click or you vibe with somebody, you do, but I can vibe and click with somebody and still maintain a professional persona to where that feeling of of lust doesn't creep in for me to anybody else, because this is so strong. I don't need that, that that part of my life is fulfilled right here. Yeah. So I can still have that chemistry with people, which I do have chemistry with guys and women that allow me to do my job better, but that's part of my leadership. Yeah. So when I'm working within my when I'm working within my companies and I have that type of, of, um, connection with my team members, that's the synchrony that we have. That's on a professional level, because the way that I portray myself to those people is, is how they're going now. I can't always say how they're going to take me, but I can be intentional about the way that I allow the the conversations I have, the way that I, my tonality, my body language. Yeah. The way that I present. Like I don't text people inappropriately at like 8:00 on a Saturday. Okay. There's one person in our life that has access at weird hours all the time, and that is our personal assistant, because she's in every part of every aspect of our life. But we even hired her out of intentionality because she's a very specific type of person. She's a very specific personality type. She's a very she's a very specific set of skills. That is exactly what we're looking for. She's in a very specific part of her life that allows her to be integrated into ours in a way that it doesn't blur those lines. Yeah. Um, but with that being said, I think people don't take those specific steps. And then when it comes to the communication, they either don't speak about it, which is the lack thereof communication, or they have improper communication by improper communication. I mean, we talk about setting the table, setting the environment, approaching somebody in a specific type of way. Um, when I say setting the table, it's a very common term that her and I use. Setting the table in a conversation is making sure that you have the proper environment, that you're in the proper headspace, and that is the proper time to have that conversation. When I come in upset, she's doing the dishes and the kids are running around and we got to be somewhere in five minutes. That is not the proper time. Raid the room. Yeah, it's not a proper time to have a serious conversation. Now what I will do is say, hey, babe, I'm like in a bad. My head is bad place right now. Okay? Later on tonight, I needed to sit down, and I need to have a conversation with you. And she might be like, what's it about? I'd be like, it's about some business stuff. It's kind of pressing. Not important right now. We talk about it later. We don't have time right now. Boom. That was it. That was all I needed. Sometimes you just need that time to vent. Also, where you just kind of get it out. I just need to talk to somebody. I don't need you to fix it. I don't need necessarily even an opinion on it, but I just need to kind of get it off my chest so then I can kind of move on. That happens. And like, we're not counselors. I'm not a marriage counselor. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not a psychiatrist. None of those things. But we do understand the psychology, and we do understand the, I guess, the actual science behind why what we do works. Because I had to I I'm one of those kind of people. Even in my trucking company I had a CDL. First, I didn't know how to work on trucks, but I wanted to know how they worked. So I had to become a makeshift mechanic and then an actual a good mechanic, because I have to understand how the how to fix these trucks, how they work. It saves me time, saves me money. And now I understand when something's going wrong. Exactly what it might be because I know how it works. Well, I had to do that with our relationships too. And so did she. And so we had to figure out why we worked the way that we work. So on the psychology side of things, one of the people that we had researched into and looked into was a gentleman named John Gottman, and he owns the Gottman Institute. Him and his wife are clinical psychologists, and they talk about this thing called the Four Horsemen. Well, one of those horsemen is contempt. And contempt is one of the worst things that you can possibly have in a relationship, like she was talking about earlier. When you start to have those relationships outside of your home relationship because you're with people a lot and stuff like that. And I don't feel like coming home and talking to you. Not only that, but when you start to talk to me like it just irritates the shit out of me and like, I can't stand. You're starting to create contempt or you have contempt in your heart for somebody that is hatred. Yeah, that gap will just get wider and wider and wider and wider. And if you don't stop it early enough. And 1 or 2 things can happen. Ideally, I would love to, to help everybody's relationship work in a way that their business and the relationship does work. But at the end of the day, if the proper questions are asked and the proper situations are addressed, the proper answer might just be that you are not the right people for each other and that is okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, there really isn't, but we have to be honest about that. Yeah. And and look, I mean, it doesn't always I am living proof. It doesn't always work out. Right. Uh, so I, I love a couple of things that you guys talked about. One, communication in any relationship. A friendship, a parent, child, significant other, spouse, whatever it is. Employees. Um, it's so important. People need to understand what your expectations are, but they also need to share theirs. These are my expectations of myself. These are my expectations of you as a company I've chosen to work for. And you own it, right? So as the owner of a company I choose to put myself within, this is what I'm looking for. Do I have the guidance? Do I have the the information? Do I have the tools to accomplish everything I need to? And that goes vice versa? And I think that sometimes, um, you know, we get stuck feeling like especially, you know, if there's a stay at home spouse in the situation, they don't understand what I do. And sometimes, like, I've got friends who are like, I don't want to hear about his work. I don't get it. Like, I have a friend who's married to an engineer. She's like, I don't get it. Like it's so far over my head. I'm trying, you know, to show up and and they've done some work and they're in a really great place. But it was one of the things that they were struggling with during time is she's like, I am so far from understanding that I feel like I'm failing him and how I'm showing up when I try to listen and I can't engage. And he for him, he's like, well, she doesn't get what I'm telling her. So, uh, and she gets frustrated when I'm trying to get her to understand what it is that I'm frustrated about from work. Right. So they had to find ways for he had to understand. Here's how I could present what I do to her in comparison to something she can relate to. You know, for me, this is like when you're at home and the kids this or whatever the thing might be, and they found their way through that, but it's got to be it's not just communication, proper communication, it's the desire to have it. Yeah, right. Being connected enough with your partner that you're going to fight to find that that communication that you need. I find in my relationship, like I said, Chris and I are in. We do similar work. He is in the energy world, so he's kind of a broker. He finds people who mostly commercial. He can do residential, but in deregulated areas he can go to a business owner. Their electric contract on their buildings is coming up. They want to get a new quote. So he goes to the electricity providers. He gets all different kinds of quotes. He builds everything out. He helps negotiate it all, and he makes the commission on it. I do the same thing in the financial world. I work with business owners or individuals who want to protect their families or build wealth, and I show them different options that are available from the carriers that I have access to and help them put things in place. The problem is that I am always trying to push myself right, to get my business where I want to make sure I'm showing up the way I want. Challenging myself to continue growing and all of those things. And so we come together from that perspective and forget to, hey, if I'm going to talk to him about his work, I've got to step into the non type A, type D, depending on what personality things you're familiar with. That is me. I am driven and so I'll go in. I'll be like, well you just need to do this. He does not need me to say that. He needs me to just sit there and listen to the struggle he's having with a customer or an energy provider that he's working with at the time. And I'm trying to give a solution and vice versa. So we sometimes have to slow down. This is a work in progress at all times. But we're figuring, you know, we're figuring out a little bit of the time we have to slow down and I don't need him to come push me. I have all the people around me to give me the example, to challenge me and push me. I need him to show up and say and either just listen unless I specifically say, hey, I need your help with this. Like, how would you handle this situation? Um, I just need him to, like Shelly said, read the room. You know, um, do I sound like I need somebody to listen to me, or I need somebody to help me solve a problem? And as men, it is one of the best things about y'all. You guys are fixers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys are fixers. And we got into that before. Yeah, we've gotta do that before because she's. So it's even to the point where we talk about proper communication. She might just be like, hey, I'm going to talk to you about something. Don't need. It. I want you to listen. I just need you to listen. I don't want you to go do anything about the information I'm going to tell you. I don't want you to speak to anybody. I don't. I just need you to hear me out. Yeah, and I promise you, when you guys talk, sometimes it is like you are setting the dynamite out there and lighting the fuse, and then put it in the box and be like, I need you to go place this box right underneath the thing I need to blow up. And that's exactly what we're ready to go do. We're prepared for it. But if you set that table and tell me I don't need that from you, I just need you to hear me out, I'll ask you a question. So when you guys have conversations about work. Okay? And he's explaining something to you, I know our brains is entrepreneurs. Like I said, even that we we start to see from a different side of how we might be able to fix that. Um, when he's asking, is he asking you your opinion or is he just speaking like just speaking about it and you're just listening to a story? Um. And your brain's just going that way. It it's both. But I think more often than not, I tend to be a little bit of I want to always try to fix things because as and I think I brought this up on one of our, our group calls a couple weeks ago, I have spent gosh, how old's my son? So I've spent about 18 years Um, being the male and the female raising my son definitely for 15 years of that and then stepping into entrepreneurship. Um, so and then also my corporate career for 20 years. I, I mean, I was one of a couple of women that would be in a good majority of the rooms I was in. And so I had to step into that masculine side. I think that it became very comfortable for me. So I think sometimes he is trying to share with me and I am trying to fix or advise, and that's where I I'll give you an example. So this week we're working on projects around the house. Right. And here's the crazy thing to painting the house I shared with you guys before the episode last Friday I decided to paint the house, so I killed myself last weekend getting it prepped to paint. My son and his girlfriend came over to help paint. My mom's birthday was Monday. My my boyfriend Chris's birthday was Tuesday. Thanksgiving is Thursday. So I have put this on myself. This was my decision. I chose to put this on myself and I spent like five days in a love hate relationship with myself. I knew it was going to feel so good to wake up Thursday morning and just get ready for guests for Thanksgiving in a clean, fresh house. But I hated myself for for deciding to do it then. And so I was snipping at everybody, but especially Chris. And it was on Wednesday. There were 2 or 3 different times, and I was doing something at the sink. I think I was washing out a paintbrush and he was trying to make us dinner and he's like, babe, I need to get to the sink because he had to strain something. And I'm like, what? And my son is standing across the island for me, and I happened to look up at him, and he has this look on his face and I'm like, what? You know, I mouth what to him and he's like, That's all you mom? And he turned around and walked away and I was like, oh, there were literally three times on Wednesday. He's like, you decided to do this? And you know, you're you're snipping at Chris because he's in the wrong place or he's not doing exactly what you would want him to do. That's the thing about the one person I got communication right with in my whole entire life was my son, but that means he's the person that can check me in two seconds flat. And that's where I was like, okay, I still got a lot of work to do in this area because when I get into a stressed out place, I expect people to be able to read my mind or to know what I'm doing, and then when I have to explain it, I get frustrated. And so that's where I was at. And I started thinking, you know, Chris and I are really working on our communication right now. It's a place we're talking about the next level in our relationship. Our communication has to be better than it is, and we both admit that And we want that. We've both been divorced, we've both been single parents raising our kids. And so that's an area of focus for us. And my son pointed out to me that I have a lot of opportunity still there in front of me. And I'm I mean, I'm grateful for that. Um, I appreciate that honest communication rather than somebody not saying something. Right. And so then, of course, I have to realize, hey, I gotta pull Chris aside and say, you know what, baby? You helped a ton this week. I'm so grateful for you. I'm sorry that I didn't see it in the moment or whatever. Um, and that's where I have to allow myself to soften more than I do. I always keep those hard lines up. Um, and that's a. That's an excellent example of, of a situation we speak to people about. Yeah. Being the person and, and uh, to give messages and being the person to receive messages. So a lot of times you'll have one spouse that's either good at one or good at both, and you'll have the other one that really is like not there at all. So like take for instance in that situation, if that were her and I, which happens, we are not immune to using our own psychology on each other. We use it daily. Um, because I understand that sometimes I'm very direct when I have an issue and to the point where the majority of people would immediately get defensive about how direct I am. And I can see it in her eyes, but I can also see her, because the one thing that this person can do easier than anybody else can is affect my emotions. We're emotional beings. Rather, we like to admit it or not. Um, we can't really compartmentalize the two. They kind of intertwine. We might be a little better at being stoic, we might be a little bit more overly emotional. But the fact of the matter is, we are. So in that situation, I'm doing something crazy like that. And our Shelly is Will say, and I'm like, you know what, babe? Hey, hey, hey, hey. And she'll stop and she'll look at me like, I didn't decide to paint this. I'm just here to help you. Yeah. Rather than getting defensive, she'll look at me and be like, I know. You're right. You're right. I just need your help. Immediately that whole situation is dissolved and I explain it like that to someone like you. Thinking back in this situation, you're like, yeah, that would be great, but that's not the way it would go. I understand, but if you can get to the point where Chris understands that that's how he needs to address you, and you need to get to the point that you need to understand what he addresses you that way. His intention is to help you, not to hurt you. Yeah, because that's the thing that we have to understand with each other, too, is if I come at you any type of way, understand? My sword is always in a sheath. I'm not trying to cut you. I'm trying to help. So if it sounds like I'm cutting, you, assume I'm not and then proceed. Assuming. Assuming that I am not there to hurt you. And where does that take you? The reason I asked you about that, the earlier about the questioning, is one of the things that we like to, to tell people and work with people on is is a skill of declarative language. And so for men. And I think this works for women too. But I understand from a man's perspective sometimes that the message hits home a little better when we have came to the conclusion ourself. Sometimes the best way to come to the conclusion ourselves is through questioning. So next time that you get in that situation and you know the answer, don't express the answer. Express questions that will lead him to the answer you're about to tell him. So take, for instance, say he's like, I have this client, this client won't do this, this. And I know that this is the best thing for him. And I presented it in this way instead of being like, well, the thing you need to do is you need to put it like this. You need to address it like this. No, I'd be like, okay, so you addressed it how this is what I did. And why didn't he like that presentation? Because he thought xyz. Okay. And so like, how would you think that he would better understand that? Like, how could you present that? I don't really know. Well, what part of it was he not understanding? Well, he wasn't understanding that this is the savings. If you did it in this type of way. Okay, so what would be a better way or what? Some way that I could help you put something together that would be a better presentation, that would maybe relate to him a little better. I just want to help you. Um, well, I think that if I did it like this, this and this, that, he would understand. So you think that if you approached it from this situation and you express it in this way, that he would understand that. Yes. Mhm. And then what I would have said in the very beginning was I think if you would have just done this, this and this and you would express it that way, he'd understand it. But that's a 100%. Conclusion. Maybe 200% true. Yeah. So my leadership within my companies, I had to do that. So Jeremy hits on it all the time. He talks about how you have to empower your leaders to lead, because as leaders we want to just give the answers. But good leaders don't give more answers. They give better questions. Yeah. So we do that in our relationships. We do that in our businesses. What I do is I know the answer. I know the answer that I want. I do this with my personal assistant. She'll say, this is. This is what we're dealing with. How should I how should I handle this with the dispatch company? How should handle that with the drivers? And I'll be like, okay, so I'll lay out this. The circumstance should be like, yes, that's correct. And I'm like, okay, giving that what's the best option? I use the 131 rule. You give me three options, give me, um, or give me your issue. Give me three options. Give me your your opinion when she gives me your opinion, if it's not the one I'll express, I will lean into the side of why I wouldn't pick that one. So I'd be like. So if you. If we do that, what about this, this and this? Oh, yeah. That might not work. Okay, well, what if we did this one? Okay. If you did that one, what would what would it look like. And she'll express it and I'd be like okay. And then how would you like send that to the guys. She'll map out the sentence and she'll send it to me and I'll say, I like it. Yeah. So it's still leading with questions. Here's the ironic thing about you throwing that out there about six months ago. Um, my broker in my business, um, we were talking about something, and he's like, Natalie, you just need to step in to asking more questions, help them get there on their own. Right? So I work with a lot of agents who've chosen to come build businesses with me. Um, they're they're they're own independent agents, but they're building within my organization. And so trying to lead them as they're all hitting different levels and building their businesses, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm running into this challenge. And he's like, just ask questions and help him get there. It does two things. One, it gets them to the same place you're trying to tell them to go, but it's building confidence that they're leading them themselves there. And so I've really focused on that. So to have you say that on the personal side, two is show up for him by asking him questions to help him navigate through what he's having a hard time getting to. Um, and so I love that example. And I here's the funny thing too. My son can call me on my crap in two seconds flat, and I just sometimes I'll snark back and then he gives me the one eye eyebrow raised, and that forces me into a pause. I've gotten better about when he jumps on me to begin with. I pause and I'm like, oh man. Right. So he can catch me that way. And I think an area that I'm growing is I need to give that same permission to Chris. What if Chris did the same? Does Chris do the same? Um, once in a while. Not once in a while. But if he does, what's your reaction? Oh, you can be honest. What's your reaction? I, I jump right back. Okay. Yeah. Like, don't tell me or don't feel it. You know where that stems from. Um, I don't know. I, I when I look at, I think it's because I've always had to take care of everything. And so that your son can do it, but he can't. I don't know. You know, my opinion is. Yeah. I would like to know your opinion. Please. For real. It stems literally just from a level of respect. That's what I was gonna say. You respect your son on a totally different level than you respect Chris. I could say, yeah, it's. And it's not. It's because, for starters, your son's your son. He's a piece of you, and you guys have this bond that's way longer than you and Chris. Yeah. If you allow yours. If you think that the level of relationship you and Chris are in and the direction that you're going is going to lead ultimately to maybe marriage or life forever or whatever, to where you're going to commit your life in a way that obviously you've committed to your son the same level of respect that you have for your son. And taking and receiving those messages is exactly what you're going to have to give yourself permission to get from Chris. If you know that Chris is not there to hurt you. Because I feel like you gotta break down some of those walls. You've got a lot of walls. And those those all come from valid places. Those all exist for reasons. There were metrics. There were things you had to put up to protect yourself from previous and past issues that you've had. But when your son, you don't have those because you know he's not going to tell you anything than the truth. Yeah, I know that to be true with Chris, you have to allow yourself to receive that message the same from him and give him permission to give it to you. And then. Because I feel like to just hitting back on what you said when you said, you know, you've always had to kind of be the masculine and the feminine. But with Chris, I think you're going to have to kind of let that feminine take charge a little bit more and maybe let him be the mask in, in your life, just to kind of see how it works for you. Yeah. Experiment. Just know I think you're absolutely right. That's the one thing I've been that's the conversation I've been having with myself is, um, look, let him take care of the things he wants to take to take care of around the house. Like, give him, you know, and just let him have free rein with it. Like, like allow myself to just trust he's going to take care of it, even if it's different than I would have done. Yeah. And even not just wrong. Leaning in more to the feminine aspect of it, it doesn't mean that you're any less of a person or anything. I am still just as strong and independent as I always am, but sometimes he does need to take over. Yeah. Perfect. And it's exhausting being everything all the time. It's exhausting. You can't be everything all the time. And there may have been a point in your life when you had to be. But maybe you don't have to be anymore. Sometimes he can be more feminine. I can be more masculine. 1,000%? Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, yeah. We have to do podcasts sometimes, and I'll get emotional. I'll talk about things, get emotional. I'm an emotional person, I just am. I was always that way. But you know what? I'm an oak. She is, uh. It served me very well in a lot of ways. Because when I communicate with people, it's easier for me to communicate with them on an emotional level than a, like, hammer level. Okay. I've never been the kind of person that can just be like, do it like this because I said so. Yeah. I've always been the kind of person that's like, hey, hear me out. Like, this is let me tell you why. Get on there. And he's like, you're so direct. And I'm like that. But that's that's all it entails. That's all I need to be at this point. But she's not always like that with me, you know? Like like I can be like, I told you, there's some times where I'm like, Shelly, that's not to die. And she's like, okay. And I know she wants to just rip my head off, but she understands that I'm not trying to hurt her. Even though it might have been perceived that way. And then she'll her reaction to that influences what's going to happen next. Yeah. Her reaction to that pulls me down and puts us right back on the same wavelength to actually achieve whatever it is that needs to be achieved, instead of us getting into a giant fight and leading to nowhere. Yeah. And then with all this being said in your personal life, how do you think that's going to affect the decisions and the things you need to do within your business? Who wants to go to? Who wants to go to work like that? Yeah. Yeah. Who wants to go try to sit down and make some sort of heavy decision, or deal with things when on your mind. You're dealing with this right now? Yeah. So you're going to do it in a in a way you might not have. Because, I mean, they might take the wrath of what's going on and they shouldn't. Yeah. You know, and the honest truth is they're the things that I would love lifted off my shoulders. Because just like you said, Bobby, it's it is. It is completely overwhelming to try and manage it all. You know, especially when you add my parents to the mix three years ago and we've been dating for four months. When I found out that my parents couldn't live on their own and I called him, I was in Utah. He was here watching my dogs. I'm like, um, I'm going to be moving my parents there. And he's like, all right, what do you need? What do you need my help with? Right. And so, um, do I know he's not here to hurt me? Yeah, but I have to allow him to show up in the places that are the things I want to release so bad. It's a me thing, right? And so that's where I'm challenged with my work. Uh, or or my my approach to things. And I keep saying, just let him, you know, I always say let them. I need to just from the they say let them in the perspective of just let him let him go. Let him do let him whatever. Right. Let it be hurtful. Let him do whatever affect you. Yeah, but for me, I need to let him let him show up, let him own the things he wants to, because that's less that I can. That means I can breathe better, and I'm likely going to show up better for him in the places he needs me as well. Don't assume those things have that conversation. Yes, that's the thing too. So like, people are like, I think, I think, I think why? Why do you think anything. Well. Because they did this or they did that. Ask them. Yeah. Where do you want to show up in our relationship? Who? What do you want to be in control of? What do you want me to give you the reins to just handle? Because I need something off my shoulders. I've been dealing with all of it for the majority of my life. And now I have somebody here that I know can support me. Yeah. And as I'm giving more time into my parents and more time into my business, there are aspects of my life that I would love to not have to deal with. What could you do? He might say, what do you need me to do? And if he's being honest, he would tell you I'm not really good at that or. Yeah, I'd love to do that. You know what I mean? If no one ever has these conversations, you'll never know. Yeah. He will. And I, I told him, I said, babe, I didn't ask you to help paint because I know you didn't love helping me paint the two rooms we painted before my parents came. And it's your birthday week. So I called my son and I'm like, hey, you want to make some extra money for Christmas? Like, come help me paint. You're off work anyway. And so, uh, and he's like, yeah, thanks so much for that. He's like, you know, I would have done it. And I said, yeah, but you would have been miserable. So it's more of that, right? Is what where do you want to lead? What do you want to take control of? And then I just need to let I gotta let go is what I need to do more in some areas. Um, and so look, here's the example hopefully that everybody listening is getting is, you know, I'm willing to throw myself out there and let's use me as the example in, in talking through this today, because I'm in the midst of this work right now, figuring out how to lean on somebody else and how to be that place for somebody else to lean in my relationship, because we have been together almost four years and we are having those conversations. Um, and I've also met Bobby and Shelly, who I have a ton of respect for. And, you know, they've shared enough of their stories. It wasn't always gumdrops and rainbows as they were building this, these businesses and building a family. Um, but I think all of it comes down to communication, communicating about what you want, what you want to build in your life, what that looks like, setting the time frames that we talked about in the first section, but then how to continue to communicate with your partner so you stay close. You are that soft place to land, but also that kick in the butt that I mentioned earlier that they need because we all need it at different times. But if you're not nurturing and fostering that communication, you're going to become misaligned, right? And people misunderstand the communication aspect of things because they're just like, okay. So like we talk. Yeah, we have conversations. Yeah. And I'm like, oh no. Like I literally have a I don't know, probably an hour and a half long ten In segment document on communication styles, communication types, the effective communication. Bad communication. Verbal cues. Nonverbal cues like we don't understand all the science that goes into what we're doing when we're talking to somebody. Yeah, we don't understand what these hand gestures mean. We don't understand what the eye contact means. We don't understand the body language. The way you're standing, the way that you, you you posture yourself to somebody. All those things are being perceived on a level that the other person doesn't even realize it's subconscious, but it also is weighing into the way that they're going to react to you. You know, I can come give you some horrible information, and I can do it in a way that you're not even going to understand what I told you because you're you're like, was that bad information or was that good information? Yeah. Because my body language was telling you that I was I, it was that I was okay, okay. But my words were saying something else. They're they're so confusing to people. And some people get those things. You ever heard of people that are, like, socially awkward? Yeah. The reason you're socially awkward is usually because they're very intellectually all there, but their body language is super freaking awkward. And so people don't know how to take that. They're like, but you, you just look so unconfident yourself. But you sound extremely confident. It's because those two things are conflicting, you know? And so that happens here. It happens in your business. It happens with each other. And and I think you also have to remember that you do need to let you have to break down those walls and stuff, but you still have to keep it fun. It can't always be serious and and strict. Yeah. You know what I mean. You have to let that person in to see your fun side, too, because the playfulness. What's gonna that. That's what's going to take you far. Yeah. We we it's funny because we've literally had like, uh, moments in our business, in our business life that were on fire bad. I mean, they just, like, we didn't know what we were going to do. We didn't know where we were going to go. And I can still walk into a room with her, put a smile on our intimacy, still on fire. Our love language is still wonderful. Even though I don't want to get into love languages. But, uh, like. Like a whole other rabbit. Whole other thing. But but I mean, like, we are so solid that even if everything else around us that we created wasn't going great, we are still great. Yeah, we're still good. And if I can have that nucleus of of power, everything else will stemmed back from it. If that if I lose that, that's when people get depressed. That's when they crumble. That's when people get suicidal. That's when people like they really lose themselves when they lose that nucleus. Yeah. So focus on that nucleus. No matter how great it is or how bad it contracts, you still have this and everything else can still grow from that. Yeah. You have to focus on this. That's why we're like it's very important that you invest in this. And people are like, oh, but I gotta, I gotta work on the skill set. I gotta invest in this new thing. I gotta I'm like, but all of this is crumbling. You are building a huge empire on a foundation of sand. Let's get some concrete underneath there. Then let's get back to the Empire. But they don't realize how important that is. Now, there are people out there that are single, that are building huge shit. And what happens is they get to about their mid 40s and they realize there's a whole section of their life that they're missing. Yeah, we know people that are about that age or a little later that are super successful and they don't have kids, and now they're looking at their life going. I feel like I missed out on something. I'm not saying that's for everybody and that's okay. What I'm saying is, if you ever thought that you had to have one or the other, you don't. You can have them both. You just gotta push your horizon back a little bit. But you can have it both and they can both be great. Yeah. And I love kind of circling back there as we wind down this episode to Bobby because that's the thing. If, if everything outside the four walls of your home were to go away. But and I don't know why I'm getting a little emotional about this, but what you have inside those four walls is solid. Then nothing else matters but the world. Society always chasing to pay the bills. To provide the best to be comparison game of everybody around us. You know the life you, the life they have. And we should be able to. All that stuff outside does not matter. It doesn't. It's just stuff. Even your company, it's a thing, right? But if you're solid with the people that you care about inside your four walls, then all of that can go away. And just like you said, you'll be okay because you'll you know it. You'll get back out there and you'll do it again. Yep. And you'll do it better the next time because you learn the lessons. But you have that solid foundation like you were talking about. You have a you're building a house on rock instead of sand. And look, I've built the sand, the houses on sand. And they got washed away. Right. And I think that's why I. This comes up for me today is if I'm building a house with somebody again, I absolutely want it doesn't mean it's going to work out. It doesn't mean it's going to be perfect because we can't control everything and everyone. But if I know going into it, I am confident that like there is a strong foundation to build something successful on, that's a game changer. So coming from me, who has and not alone, I didn't get that wrong. Alone. There was somebody else in the equation, right? But to know that we're addressing these things before we take that step, that we're getting on the same page about what we want and who we are and the communication, especially then I think the chances multiply exponentially that when it gets hard, when we struggle, when for us, we're at the age where parents are going to be passing away. We may need to support and help his mom more. That's a whole different level of stress on a relationship. You have raising kids, but when you're raising your parents, it's different. And so making sure that we are solid to get through all of that right is different for me. That's why it matters. You know, and I've been through enough experience at 53 years old to look back and say, and also, life wasn't what? I didn't have all those things. Right. Oh, he's so handsome. Oh. We're dating. Oh, he put a ring on my finger. Oh, yes. Life's going to be wonderful, right? That romantic? Let's see. I was almost 21 the first time I got married. The white picket fence, the all the things. That's what it it is oftentimes, um. And then life throws things at you and you grow from your experiences. And so now for me, it's like, I want to know this piece is solid because no matter how hard it gets, if this piece is solid, we're going to figure it out. If the business fails, if parents pass away, if whatever, whatever it is, like, we're solid. And that's what I think that you and Shelly are a phenomenal example of. And I haven't even known you that long, but, you know, I haven't even met you in person. Um, but there is something about that can be felt through zoom. In all honesty, when you two are on a call together. Like, there is a strength there. And it's not a strength in a sense of a controlling factor. Like there's just something solid. And when I see you guys, I'm like, yeah, that's we talk about being in the right rooms where we can be influenced, like, that's what you guys are for me, without even knowing. It is like, I'm trying to figure this out in my relationship. And when I see an example like you guys, that doesn't exist in most places for entrepreneurs, employees, anything that doesn't exist. And it needs to more because people, companies, everything is stronger. When you have a partner you can lean on. And I think that's what you guys exemplified. That's what you do through the coaching that you guys do for people, whether it's business partnerships and learning how to be the role each other needs or actual marriages or both, you're married and your business partners, um. Position everybody truly is that you can build whatever it is that you want. And, and I think that people take for granted sometimes, which we did early on that like for us that we were really good with each other. And as time went on and we went through the struggles and we made it through the struggles, we understood that, um, like it just worked. And she came up with this awesome concept we were working on. We were working on something, and she called me and she said, I have this, this idea that I want to explain to you. I'm like, go ahead. And she said, I think that people are attracted to each other, but this whole concept that, like, there's only one person in this world for you is yes. And I said, I agree 1,000%. She's like, I could find somebody else similar or like you or whatever, maybe greater right in another world and, and have this life with them as well. But you don't want to know the difference between that one and this one and any other one is the intention that we put into it and building it. So she's like, I think that soulmates aren't found. They're built. Created. They're created. And I said, you know what? You're 1,000% correct. Because when you're that in sync with somebody, we can agree like you can almost. I can almost read his mind. Oh, no. We finish sentence. All kinds of weird. Happen and stuff, and we've created that because the bond that we have is so strong over these 20 some years that we've been together, we just know each other really, really well. but still keep that love and stuff alive. So if they quit focusing on, I don't know if this is my person or I don't know if I found my soulmate and they started focusing on putting into practices the things to create it, they could have it. You can build it, you could build it. Yeah, you can build it. All the right person. I still don't want you to settle. I still want you to be with somebody that's really not meant. You gotta have your foundational principles. Those foundational principles have to explain which we talk. They're called our seven pillars. Those seven pillars have to to have to be there. But I really feel like I mean, I went to the Fox to see The Notebook a couple weeks ago, and I really feel like you can have that connection with your partner if it's just built the correct way. If they. Did stay strong. Or her, because I had no reason to go to the fox to watch them. And so she really wanted to go. And we dressed up, went, had dinner and went watch The Notebook. I love it, okay. But that's what it comes down to. Right, is choices. You have to be with somebody that unequivocally you trust is choosing you over and over every single day. The difficult you, the all the things. I will tell you. When Bobby and I started out, he was 17. We were kids, we were very young, and I would. We worked at Walmart, you know what I mean? And I'm walking and and making my circles and stuff like I had to do. Um, he looked at me a certain way, like I was the most magnetic, beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life. He still looks at me the same today as he did back then. And I don't want that ever to leave. Yeah, I do whatever I have to do, and we are who we have to be to where that doesn't leave us. I don't want that look to ever go away. I'm not going to do anything. Also that's going to to change this relationship. I don't want him to look at me any other way. Compromise that, or it's the intentionality. It's always the mentality. Yeah, it's intentionality behind those specific steps. So if you find a man that looks at you like that. Yeah, that's your man. Yeah. No, I and I love that, you know. Um, so really briefly, Chris and I met at a friend's 50th birthday party. He's one of my dear friends. Her husband's 50th birthday party. And Chris and him had been friends. Now these friends had. They live like, five minutes away. But we never met in the years that we were both friends with them, they had multiple parties. We were never any of the same ones for for various reasons. And so we were at this 50th birthday party and one of my other girlfriends there was like, hey, are you dating? Whatever. I said, oh my gosh, no, I don't even know if I ever want to date again. Listen, if God's got somebody for me, he's gonna have to throw him down in front of me, and I'm going to step over him, and he's going to have to throw him down in front of me again, and I'm going to try and step over him again. Five minutes later, I walked into the kitchen. I went to throw something away and there was probably 30 or 40 people in the house. We'd been there for hours and we. I had noticed him looking at me from across the room and vice versa. We talked about later, I went to throw something away and I was just getting ready to leave to go home, and he introduced himself to me at the garbage can in the kitchen. And then I walked over and I was chatting with a few people to say goodbye. He came and stood next to me. This man introduced himself to me seven times in ten minutes before I left, and the next day sent me a friend request on Facebook and we started chatting. And so I look at the end of the day, I'm going to say this because this is what I'm taking away for this conversation. You have to choose your partner every day, and you have to know you're with somebody that you can trust is choosing you every single day. You have to be willing to fight for what you want in business and in life and in your partner. Right. And so for me, there's a lot of growth I have. There are a lot of like Shelly said, walls. I still have to let down from the past. I have to let him lead because I there are so many areas I want to be led, but I have to let go and allow somebody to lead me in those areas. And that's the growth and challenge that I'm going through right now, is realizing if I want that in a relationship, I have to allow it, and allowing it does not make me weak. It actually makes me stronger, maybe. Right. And so that's the growth I'm going through right now. And that's the those are the things that I hope people listening to today's episode catch from this is, like Bobby said, you can have it. All right. The landscape of it might look a little bit different, but you can have the family, you can have the business or an amazing career, whatever that is for you. Um, but you've got to build it on something solid. You've got to allow your partner to be able to show up for you and vice versa. Um, and communication, whether your communication is in the workplace with a friend or with the one that you love most. Like communication is everything. And then if the world falls apart, you're still standing there with somebody that's holding you up and saying, all right, let's go for round two. Are you ready? What does this one look like? Right. So is no shame in ever asking for help. Oh, my God, if you were in the spot where you think you need help with your relationship. You work in such strict confidentiality. My client list is so like people. They'll ask you that and they're so. That's crazy to me. They'll be like, so how many clients do you have? And I'm like, I don't like, what are you talking about? Like, like, would you want me to talk to other people about you being one of my clients? No, I don't. That's we're in a business that is like government level security. I don't talk to people. This is a very intricate part of people's lives. They don't like to tell people that they're working on. And so it's kind of fun for us because every one of them are such a different set of challenges because everybody came from a different background. They have a different, uh, setup at home. They have a different history from where they came from. Some people are dealing with with past issues, and they're dealing with, uh, psychiatrists and psychologists and stuff about working through those, because with us, we don't work so much with what happened to you. We work from where we're at today, moving forward, because we want to work on your future. I can't work on your past. I'm not certified to do that. I'm not going to. Now, I have to understand a little bit of it to know what I'm working with today, but I can't. I can't help you get through that. Um, I can help you ask some questions. Am I get you to figure out what you might need to work on. But what I can be is I can be a couple things. One, I can be a beacon of light to show you that there's hope. That's why her and I live the life we live to show people it can exist. It does exist that this is out there. And. And I can also be like like grab your shovel in your backhoe and start digging into our past. I have been intentional from day one all the way through. I don't have skeletons in my closet. I don't have all these issues that you're going to start to dig up and be like, oh, they're frauds. I welcome you to do so. And then I welcome you to take a look in the mirror and figure out if you want to go down that path, who do you want to follow to to lead you there? Yeah. People who have done it who have got the receipts to show you, they can show you the future. Or do you want to go down some road with somebody who's throwing glitter in the air and promising you stuff? I'll promise you nothing. The only thing I can promise you is I can give you the information that I know works the actions up to you. Yeah, you've got to take the action, but we can guide you through it. And we do that. And we love working with people on all these different landscapes and people from high level executives and CEOs. I've even worked with some people that are like semi famous. It's just I love being able to know that, like, this does exist for everybody out there. And so you're not alone when you think that you're you're in your own little world with these own little problems. People on all levels deal with these problems. We deal with these problems. So it's just being with the right people that can help you, guide you through it. You know, it's exciting for us. We love it. We love we love it, love it. Yeah. No, 100%. You're right. And I, I would say, uh, I don't have any skeletons in my closet. They were there. But that's why I threw myself in as kind of the case study for our conversation today is because, one, it's real, and I think it's relatable to so many people out there. And especially I know a lot of single women who've been through divorces, who've been through whatever it was that they've gone through, um, are like me and and I very clearly can see those walls around me, um, and know that that's my challenge to continue to overcome and lean into something different. Um, and so I hope people listening to this got that from this. Right. I have not been perfect. Um, one of my divorces wasn't my fault, and one of them was. And I've told that story before. Um, I've tried little businesses here and there and failed. Why? Because I didn't do the work on me to be ready to build what I was trying to build. And also I was trying to build things. Um, when I had a house built on sand, all of those things that play into it. And so that's what I love about what you and Shelly do, that you do this work together to make a difference for other people who are partnering in some way. You guys are amazing example to me already in such a short time. And um, I've said before that, you know, when you step into the right rooms because you can see in a short period of time. For me, it's zoom rooms, right? But I can see the faces on the screen, and I know the areas of my life that each of those people are going to impact. And I'm extremely grateful for the growth I know is coming for me. Um, and the opportunity I have to be in there and contribute where my strengths are and what I do with my business and things as well. So, uh, number one, if you're looking for a room like that, Feel free to reach out to me. You know, contact the show. The Moxie Tribe is growing. We are looking for amazing entrepreneurs. Business owners who can have an impact and help each one of us grow on our journeys as well. Um. But Bobby and Shelly, how can people get Ahold of you if they want to do more of this work? If they want to dive in? How can they connect with you guys and, you know, have a call to figure out if this is a journey they need to go on? If they visit our website it's WW, the Limitless Vitality Group. Com. It has all the information on there about what we offer a little bit of our past, a little bit of our history and what we work with people on. And then there is a section there that says contact, and there is a phone number there that you can contact us on. You'll fill out a little form that gives me some information on you. And then what we will do for giving us that information is we will give you a video to 22 minute video on, um, what we consider one of our pillars, which is how you show up an inconvenience. So it's a video of that, But then also we'll schedule a zoom call. It'll give you a zoom link and give you a zoom call. Um, you can get Ahold of us there. You can DM us directly through Facebook, um, at Bobigny or Instagram, same way at Bobigny. Also, there's a lot of free content on there. There's probably over 500 videos of concepts and different things we talk about. I would invite people to go explore some of those things. I would invite everybody to always do the research into anybody that they're interested in, because the proof should be right there in front of you if you look. And, um, but we would love to work with anybody who's who is on that level looking for help. I mean, because we know it exists. We know you need it. Rather, you want to explain it or not or express it or not. And, um, it is probably I mean, it's not probably, in our opinion, it's probably one of the deepest levels of impact that you can have in your business is making sure that your relationships in your life are on the top priority list of things that get taken care of, because no matter how great you look like you're doing on paper, you can be internally bankrupt and you don't have it all If you're internally bankrupt, I could. I would rather be externally bankrupt than internally bankrupt. Perfectly fine because I can rebuild it. Money, money. Something that the government made up for us. You know, this is something that her and I built and I don't ever want this gone. You know. I love that. I love that, Shelley. Any that last thing you want to say. I just I've appreciated this conversation. It's been wonderful to get to talk to you and and be on your podcast. I'm very grateful for that. So yes, if anybody needs help or is looking for anything more, please reach out. Please. Yes, yes, yes. Well, it's been an honor to have you guys as I wind this episode down. Here's today's hot take. If your business is thriving but your relationship is dying, you are not successful. Success is harmony. Not hustle. Your marriage, your faith, your peace of mind. Those are the real wealth indicators. Burnout is a symptom of misaligned priorities, not a badge of honor. Your partner isn't your opponent. They're your greatest ROI when you invest properly. So don't build a business on love in a home you resent. Close, close every day and gratitude. Gratitude open every day in gratitude and you can build something amazing. What in your life needs? More presence, more partnership or more protection? I've talked today about a lot of areas I'm working on, and after this conversation, I'm even more excited to continue to pursue those conversations and build what I want with the person that I have in my life, and make sure that we're moving in the right direction as we grow the businesses and the life of our dreams. So if today's conversation hit home, share this episode with your partner or a fellow entrepreneur. Connect with Bobby and Shelly at the Limitless Vitality Group, and if you need help building a financial strategy that supports the life you're building, feel free to reach out to me anytime. I want to. Thank you guys for listening to this week's episode. And until next time, protect your peace, protect your people, and protect your wealth.