The 5 F's of Caretaking Episode 4 - Fitness in Caretaking

In this fourth episode of Natalie’s “5 F’s of Caretaking Series,” Nat explores the vital role of fitness in caregiving. Drawing from her personal journey caring for aging parents, she candidly discusses the physical and emotional toll of caregiving, the dangers of burnout, and the necessity of self-care. Nat emphasizes setting boundaries, asking for help, and prioritizing one’s own health—not out of selfishness, but as an essential foundation for sustainable, compassionate caregiving. She encourages listeners to release guilt, embrace rest, and protect their well-being to better care for loved ones.

What you'll hear:

• Personal experiences in caregiving for aging parents
• Physical and emotional challenges faced by caregivers
• Importance of self-care and avoiding burnout
• Necessity of asking for help and setting boundaries
• Health risks associated with chronic stress in caregivers
• Strategies for prioritizing fitness and health
• Emotional vulnerability and the need for support
• Managing caregiving stress and emotional overwhelm
• Reframing rest as a strategic necessity in caregiving
• Encouragement for caregivers to practice self-compassion and grace

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Transcript

0:02

Hey friends, welcome back to chat with Nat conversations that count where we talk real life, real money, and real strategies to build a life without worry. Today's episode is brought to you by Casa de Confidence Productions. Julie and Dan Collins are a powerhouse duo who make podcasters like myself sound, confident, clear, and professional every single week. If podcasting is something that has been tugging at your heart or sitting quietly on your goal list. Head to Casa de confidence website and connect with them to find out what they do. This week's episode is episode four in my series on the five F's of Caretaking. And the fourth F is fitness, y'all. How things impact us from a health perspective. And you know The first night my mom was in the hospital absolutely broke me. I was exhausted, I was emotionally wrecked, and I was forced to make a decision no daughter wants to make. I thought I could push through. I thought I could stay up all night if that would. It took. Or I could sleep leaning over a chair in an emergency room bed. But that night taught me different. I can't always do everything. My body has limits. And it was absolutely done. Showing up, done negotiating, done participating that night. And I had to ask for help. And honestly, what a blessing because I learned a ton of new ways that there is help available in all kinds of situations on the journey that I'm on with caretaking, burnout costs more than rest. That's our money tip for this week. It may not sound like a money tip, but that's what it is. Burnout cost you more than rest. Chronic stress and physical exhaustion are linked to 50% higher long term health care costs. Increased risk of heart disease, autoimmune flare ups, and depression. Caregivers experience burnout two times more likely than everyday people when it comes to stressful situations, and there are two times more likely to have serious health issues because of it. Ignoring your body does not make you strong. It makes the recovery longer, and I'll dare say it actually makes you weaker. If your body cannot sustain itself, you are weaker and ignoring the cries your body is giving you for help. Then if you respond, if you pay attention, if you address your needs in caretaking, that's what can make you a better caretaker all around. That's where a ton of confidence could come from. Come from in this journey is knowing that you're serving yourself first so you can better serve your person. I want to talk about the physical plus emotional collapse that no one warns you about when it comes to caretaking. Caregiving stress does not arrive gradually. It hits in waves, and when it hits there, they're not just little rolling waves. Typically, they're big crashing waves. You are dealing with sleep deprivation, adrenaline, emotional overload. All of those things can compound very quickly, depending on your situation and the amount of support that you do or don't have. Over 70% of caregivers report chronic fatigue. Even months into caregiving. So let's talk about well, let me ask you this question. And then we'll talk about where and when this happened for me. What was the moment, as a caretaker that your body started whispering or screaming that something wasn't right? For me, it was about two years ago. And look, I'm 53 now. So part of me was like, hey, this is the stage I am in life, right? I forget why I walked into a room. I'm tired all the time. I am gaining a little bit of weight and most importantly, I had no energy. Just no energy. Not even the energy enough to care about finding out what was going on with me. And so there I kept going through the motions. That was the beginning of 24, and by September of 2024, I was falling apart from the inside out. I had put on a significant amount of weight. I was not prioritizing myself, taking care of myself, paying attention to if I was drinking enough water, eating right, any of the things. My body ached all the time. I slept horribly, and I woke up one day and realized if I don't do something and soon I will not have anything as a caretaker for my parents if I don't fill my own cup, if I don't address the issues within myself, if I don't prioritize myself, I am not going to be able to prioritize them. I am not going to be able to show up for them at all. And so for me, that started a health journey and I've shared it on previous episodes. But I started a health journey of eating right, making sure I was taking in enough water. I chose to do GLP once for a period of time and help myself start moving consistently in a direction, and my goal was to always win. All. All goodness. My goal all along was to wean myself off of those after a few months, and it was about nine months before I started weaning myself off. But the difference that that made, the other thing I did coming into 2025 is I was like, all right, we're making some time for us, girl, we need some self-care. I go out to lunch or a movie. Something simple, something small with a friend a couple times a month, you know, dif different friends, different activities. I push myself to get out of the house because it would be so easy not to I care take for my parents full time who live with me and I have my own business which I build from home, so it would be easy for me to not leave the house. And yet I know I need to. I need the fresh air. I need the interaction. I need something to just take me away from this having to be my priority all the time. And as I've done that over this last year, what a difference has it made? My health has completely shifted. My mindset has completely shifted. My ability to show up and find patience in difficult situations is has grown hand over fist because I'm serving myself first. And so, you know, the fitness side of this being healthy, like be selfish in that area so that you can better be unselfish in serving the people that you're caring for. Now, I touched at the beginning of this episode on asking for help at the hospital, and y'all, I was fighting. I am stubborn, I am independent, I have always figured it out my whole life, and I was determined that I needed to be there for my mom. I needed to be showing up with her. I needed to walk that journey with her, and she was having an extremely difficult time, and I felt like anything other than that meant I was failing at showing up for her. See, asking for help as a caretaker, especially for high achievers, feels like failure. Feels like letting your person down, letting yourself down. And caregivers. We are conditioned to minimize our own needs to put them on the back burner. And, you know, a almost a year and a half ago now, when I figured out something had to shift, I realized I wasn't even on the stove anymore. I hadn't just put myself on the back burner. I wasn't anywhere near the flame. Now, on the other hand, studies show that caregivers who accept support experience less burnout, make better care decisions, and recover faster emotionally. All three things I have experienced and I will tell you over and over and over again 100% true. I am less burned out when I allow myself to step outside the home, away from the responsibility. Sometimes it's an hour, sometimes it's 3 or 4 hours, but I have to step away so that my cup can get refilled and I can step back in even better, making better care decisions when my mom was in the hospital. Y'all, it slowed down the hands on care so I could really think about what do I want and what would my mom want, and not just listen to what everybody was telling me. And I feel like I made better decisions. I advocated better for my mom. I learned so many lessons in that very difficult week that I am fully leaning into now, using my voice, sharing my story so that caretakers know they're not alone. People walking through this, see? Oh my gosh, they can see themselves in my story because I have been so blessed to be able to see myself in the story of other caretakers that I follow, that I've met, that I've connected with over the last 3 or 4 years, and recovering faster emotionally 100% true if you are completely drained, like I was that first night in the hospital, I was an emotional wreck. If you know my niece, she'd tell you for sure because she's the one who got the phone call. She's a nurse and she was on shift. She was. We were messaging through Instagram back and forth on how grandma was doing, what kind of medications, what things we were going through because she could understand them and help me, help me understand them. And she deals with patients like my mom from time to time. And so I knew she was on shift. And I called her in a complete emotional breakdown. And you know what? I'm so glad I finally broke because it forced me to let somebody else kind of walk me through it. It's not like we were on the phone for hours, but she kind of walked me through it, clarified some things, and just gave me space to be that vulnerable without feeling like a failure, and even confirmed for me that I wasn't a failure just because I was struggling. This is hard. It is hard. If you are a caretaker of any kind in any way, shape or form, it is hard. Taking care of your kids is hard. When they're healthy, they're young, they're emotional. There's a lot going on. It's hard. And taking care of a loved one that's an adult. It's hard. I have said so many times, and I will continue to say, it's like I have a 2 to 3 year old again, right? When your kids get to the point, if you've had kids, they get to the point where they start thinking more independently and they're able to physically do more for themselves. And. Yet they're still small enough. And and you can negotiate in ways with them and things to accomplish what you need to accomplish with them. It is like having that again, but with a full grown adult who doesn't understand what's happening. And man, the ability I have learned in the last couple of months to recover emotionally because I step away my my back patio, I will go out there and just take a few deep breaths. Um. knowing that by doing that, I'm going to be able to step back into the room a little bit better. I'll hand mom off. I'll be like, hey, babe, to my boyfriend Chris, can you sit in the room with mom for a few minutes? Or hey, dad, I need you to focus on what's going on with mom right now so I can step away for a few minutes. It's so important. It is so important. Am I not? Okay, Dan, I didn't think this was recording, but it is. So can you clip out that last big pause and just before where I said, am I not? Thanks. That night that I asked for help at the hospital asking for that help was not me being weak. It was literally self-preservation. And it's taught me a million lessons. And so if you're there, please ask for help. Please, I don't know many people who are more stubborn and independent than me. And so if that is you let go, let go, because it's going to allow you to hold on even better as you move forward. And speaking of letting go, let go of the guilt around resting. Rest is not quitting. Pausing is not abandoning. You cannot pour from an empty cup or an empty body. You cannot show up for somebody else if you are unable to function yourself. 60% of caregivers feel guilty taking time for themselves. I still do when I leave the house. I am like, oh my gosh, is mom going to be okay? Okay, here's the meds. Even to my dad, who knows the routine, even to my boyfriend. Is she going to be okay? Are they going to remember to give her her meds? Is she gonna, you know, get confused and have one of her combative episodes while I'm gone? It's hard to fully disengage. And yet I keep attempting to. And sometimes I'm more successful than others when I go to a movie. Honestly, that helps because I'm focusing on a different story. I can't think about what's at home, or go with a friend who knows me really well, and we can engage in conversation about other things. Here's the other thing. If your person has good doctors, good home health care, good hospice care, whatever it is those people should be suggesting to you, they should be medically advising you to show up for yourself, To not let yourself go. And if they're not? Then in all honesty, I. I would maybe look for a new provider. And I say that because the way that the people who have taken care of my mom, her doctors, the home, health and everything, they're constantly asking, how are you? What are you doing for yourself? How are you managing this? Because they realize to best treat my mom, they have to make sure I'm as whole as possible. That makes their job easier. And they also know it's going to make my job as the hands on caretaker easier as well. Rest is not indulgence, it's strategic. I want you guys to just sit with that and think about that. If resting as a caretaker is something that you struggle with, and in all honesty, We have to protect our bodies. Our bodies are our transportation system. There are decision maker. Our emotional regulator. Caring for them must be a priority. Fitness and caregiving doesn't mean perfect workouts. Meal plans. Aesthetics. You always look good. Y'all come on. I get on here. My hair is done, my makeup's done. But you know what? Sometimes this doesn't happen

till 2: 16:59

00 in the afternoon. Sometimes, if I don't have on camera appointments that day, it doesn't happen at all. I'm lucky to get a shower and put on some clean clothes and show up for my mom. Some days it is what it is. So it's not about perfection. It's about. It's about taking care of you. Whatever that looks like. That day, that moment, that hour. Right. So don't focus so much on trying to look like the perfect caregiver, because you know what? You can show up that way. I know better, any caretaker knows better. And so I try, you know, when people ask me, how are you doing? How is your mom doing? I don't try to sugarcoat it. I mean, I don't go down a rabbit hole, but I'll tell them if it's a tough day because that's my reality. If they truly care about me and are asking about me and my mom, then they want to know what's really going on. And sometimes just being able to release that it's a hard day opens up room inside of me to step up a little bit more, to find a little extra patience, because I just made room for it. I released the fact that it's a hard day. I admitted it to the universe, to the world, to a friend, to a business partner, to a family member. And suddenly there's a weight lifted off my shoulder because of it. So no, fitness and caregiving is not perfection. What it is, is sleeping when you can. That is not something I'm perfect at. I have adjusted my sleep routines a bit. What I need to work on is getting back to like when when you have that new baby. The mamas out there especially that are the ones getting up. And I don't get me wrong, dads, if you're listening, there are some dads that tag team like crazy for those middle of the night feedings and diaper changes and things like that. So let me just say this for those of you who had children who were caretaking through the night the first few months that were hard, you learned to sleep when the baby slept. Sleep when your person sleeps. So I'm working on building my schedule around kind of the new routines and timeframes of some things for my mom where I can work in a power nap here and there, Or just even if I don't fall asleep, just sit back while she's resting and close my eyes and just breathe. It means eating enough. Moving gently. Don't overdo it, but moving to strengthen your body so you can better support your person. That is something human. With my mom, we're going through right now. So her decline, significant decline recently isn't just, um, mental. It is very much physical as well. And we're we're leaning on the wheelchair more. We've pretty much abandoned the walker because she's beyond really remembering to utilize it. Right. Which means it can become more of a hazard than a help. But there are times that she refuses the wheelchair. And again, the walker, even with me assisting her with it, it's more of a hazard than it is for help. And so learning to navigate around helping moms still be a little bit mobile where she can and when she wants to be, versus utilizing the tools that we have. Okay, but there are times that all of her weight is on me, even if it's just getting her out of a chair to put her in her wheelchair. And I am constantly reminded that I've got to work on continuously work on strengthening my body so I can manage that and also find tools that can help me. For example, we just ordered two of those standing recliners for my parents. They have massagers in them, they have heaters in them and they will help them stand. Now my dad is more able bodied than my mom, but he's 84. He's still like trying to get the momentum to get out of the the couch sometimes. And I love him to death. We kind of chuckle about it and he's like, it is what it is. Well, you know what? We just ordered two of those recliners for both of them. I've gotta move the love seat they sit in all the time anyway. Might as well put two rockers there together. So I'm super excited about that. Last night, my mom got up in the middle of the night. I woke up this morning. My dad, she didn't wake up my dad. I got up and I could hear her fussing verbally and she was in the living room. I didn't know how she got there. I didn't know how long she'd been there. And so now we're ordering a bed alarm to help us keep track. It's like you learn as you go, y'all. My mom could have fallen. And thank you, Lord that she didn't. But you learn as you go and you respond and you get the tools and things that you need. But go easy on yourself. But make sure that you stay strong because it's going to be important and caretaking and then slow down when it comes to your fitness. You cannot overdo it. To the point that you can't show up, right? Like an injury? Um. Or. Just over hyper focused. I don't know if that really makes sense, but go easy. Go. Like, you've got to do the work to stay strong, to stay healthy, to move well, to eat well, to sleep well. And you have to know when to slow down, to stop, to adjust. Some days I get 2 or 3 great workouts. In some days I get 4 or 5 mediocre workouts in. It's about doing the work so you can sustain yourself without killing yourself in the process. That's the short version of everything I just said. And I want you guys to think about what are the signs that you are ignoring your limits. Constant exhaustion even after rest. All of these were screaming at me two years ago for that nine month period where I was trying to pretend somehow I could come out of it on my own. Something was going to shift or change, and I was doing nothing to make it happen. It's just going to magically work. It doesn't magically work if you are constantly exhausted, even after you've slept online. Even after you've taken a nap, you need to look for ways to give yourself more breaks. Brain fog. Emotional numbness. Who is that one? Like connecting emotionally. I've talked in episodes before that for me, with this whole process, I went into business mode with even the process of moving my parents here, taking care of what needs to be taken care of and completely separating the emotion. And for me, that comes very easy from a lot of things that have happened in my life. But it is not healthy. It's not healthy. It's going to keep you for asking for help. It's going to keep you from, um, telling people that you're struggling, irritability or tears out of nowhere. Hmm. That's a big one. You're reacting more extremely, either in frustration or. Break the breakdown of your emotions, the crying. Um, you're not creating room for balance or restoration for yourself and then getting sick more often. If you're pushing yourself to the limit, I already said it. You're not going to be able to show up for your person when you. And then if you're sick and you're still trying to care, take for them, they're potentially going to get sick. and then feeling resentful and ashamed about it. Hello a man. I feel this on the regular. Not so much resentful at my mom, but that what will happen for me is it's a hard moment and I'm doing all the things right, and this time it's just not working. So my frustration builds and builds and builds, and then I'm like. Why can't you just help me? Or you need to take your pills or I'm trying, I'm just trying to push too hard, and I'm not allowing myself to walk away and reset and try again in a little while. I'm getting better at it, but I have my moments and my irritability climbs and climbs and climbs, and then I react frustrated. Or I just storm off. And then I sit there on my patio, taking some deep breaths, beating myself up for it. Feeling guilty. Feeling ashamed that I didn't handle situation better. Y'all, we are not perfect. We are not perfect. And. Um. That's it. We are not perfect. Give yourself some grace. I have had to learn self grace at a whole other level, especially in the last couple of months. These things are not character flaws, y'all. They're warning signals. And I'm learning how to tell that my irritability or my emotional side is filling up. Filling up. It's brimming. It's about to go over the edge and ask for help or step away or whatever sooner. But I'm not perfect at it. Just the other day, I was so mad at myself that I let myself get frustrated about something that was not that big a deal, but my mom just wasn't cooperating. We learn as we go, and that is what Grace is for. And I pray every day, Lord, give me whatever I need to show up. Well for my mom today, but especially to show up well for me, because showing up well for me means showing up better for her. My hot take for this week is you don't win by outlasting your body, y'all. You win by listening to it. If you are running on fumes, hear this clearly. You are allowed to stop. You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to take care of the body that is carrying everybody else. This week I want you to stop aiming for more and aim for enough. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who's quietly pushing past exhaustion and calling it strength. And if you want support navigating caretaking without burning yourself down, message me on Instagram or LinkedIn and tell me what is it your body's asking for right now? I'd love to have a conversation with you. I'd love to be a support in any way that I can, and help make sure that you have the resources that you need. If you have questions about setting up finances to support caretaking, we can have that conversation as well. That is what I do. That has made a huge difference in caretaking for my parents, as I talked about in last week's episode. And so if you're looking for support in any area and if you just need a listening ear, I'm here. I'm walking the same journey that you are caretaker, and I see you and you're not alone. Thank you all for spending this time with me. Until next time, protect your peace, protect your people, and protect your ability to show up when it matters most.